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Lately I’ve been noticing something in conversations I keep having with people who look like they’re doing everything right.

They’re responsible. Capable. Trying hard.
And yet, there’s this quiet pressure following them everywhere.

Not panic. Not crisis.
Just a constant feeling of being behind — even when life is objectively fine.

I lived with that feeling for years and assumed it was just part of being an adult. Part of caring. Part of being serious about life.

I didn’t realize it was coming from a belief I had never questioned — one that sounded responsible, even admirable — but was slowly draining my peace.

This article is about that belief.
And about what started to change when I finally saw it for what it was.
Amir

The Most Exhausting Belief in Your Mind

If your mind won’t shut off…
if you wake up already behind…
if you feel pressure even on “good” days…

It’s probably not because your life is hard.
It’s because you’re carrying a belief that turns life into a weight.

Here it is:
“It’s all on me.”

That sentence sounds responsible.
It sounds mature.
It sounds like adulthood.

But it’s also the fastest way to lose your peace.

The kind of anxiety no one knows how to explain

Most people think anxiety is fear of the future.
But a lot of anxiety is something else:

It’s the exhaustion of being the one who has to make everything work.

Not just: “I should try.”
But: “If I don’t get this right, we’re finished.”

Not just: “I need to do my part.”
But: “The outcome depends on me.”

You don’t need more confidence. You need less ownership of outcomes and more clarity about what’s actually yours to carry.

And this is why anxiety can keep happening even when nothing is technically wrong.

You get the job… and now you’re anxious about keeping it.
You solve one problem… and immediately brace for the next one.
You finally get a little breathing room… and your mind fills it with “what if.”

When control becomes your coping mechanism, calm can actually feel unsafe, because calm feels like you’re letting your guard down.

The hidden rule your nervous system is living by

Here’s the rule most people don’t realize they’ve accepted:

“I’m only allowed to relax when everything is under control.”

Read that again.

Because if that’s your rule… you’re never allowed to relax.

There is no such thing as “everything is under control.”
There is only “temporary pause before the next thing.”

If your peace depends on control, you’ll always be at war, because control has no finish line.

Here’s where this got personal for me

When I was living in New York and Montreal, we’d visit my wife’s family in Edmonton.
Sometimes for a week. Sometimes for a month.

And I remember something that sounds small… but it messed with me constantly:

The two-hour time difference.

Every morning I woke up with a pit in my stomach.

Not because I was in trouble.
Not because a client was upset.
Not because I was missing deadlines.

Just this feeling:

I’m behind.

Even if I started early, I felt behind.
Even if nothing was urgent, my body felt urgent.

Here’s the part that makes it even more ridiculous looking back:

I didn’t have strict hours.
I just had to take care of clients.

And the time difference actually worked in my favor.
Meaning I had time.

But that didn’t matter.

Because my nervous system wasn’t responding to reality.
It was responding to a belief.

So I overcompensated.

I checked email obsessively — this was before smartphones and push notifications — and I checked anyway, constantly.
I responded at record speed.
I tried to be the “perfect” service provider.

Not because it was required.
Because I didn’t feel safe unless I was proving myself.

Over-preparing is often anxiety wearing a suit and calling itself professionalism.

I used to feel genuinely afraid before meetings — so I’d over-prepare just to feel safe.
I told myself it was professionalism.

But really, it was this:

If I don’t carry the whole thing on my back, it will fall apart.

And it wasn’t just about work.

Underneath it all was the same fear:

If I mess up…
If I take too long…
If I don’t respond fast enough…

I’ll lose a client.
Lose a job.
Lose respect.
Lose my reputation.

I had clients who made me feel like life and death were on my shoulders.

So from the outside, it looked normal. Fine even.
But inside, it felt like I was carrying an invisible backpack of bricks.

I was:
overthinking decisions that didn’t deserve 30 minutes of brain-space

replaying conversations like I was on trial

trying to anticipate every possible problem

acting like being “on” was the same as being responsible

And then I realized something that hit me like a ton of bricks:

I believed in Hashem…
but I was living like Hashem is for emergencies.

Like He’s on a shelf behind glass:
“Break in case of emergency.”

Day-to-day life?
That was on me.

If Hashem is only in your emergencies, you’re alone everywhere else.

The subtle distortion of Bitachon

A lot of people hear “Bitachon” and assume it means:

do nothing

float through life

pretend you don’t care

call laziness “faith”

So they reject it.

And then they swing to the other extreme:

overwork

overthink

over-control

over-carry

…and call it responsibility.

But Bitachon was never meant to remove effort.
Bitachon was meant to remove ownership of outcomes.

Let me say that again because this is the whole email:

Effort is your job. Outcomes are not.

Hishtadlut is real. Control is an illusion.

Hashem doesn’t ask you to control results.
He asks you to show up.

You’re responsible for:

your hishtadlut

your integrity

your choices

your growth

You are not responsible for:

timing

results

other people’s reactions

how the story unfolds

When those lines get blurred, anxiety moves in.

Chovot HaLevavot teaches that if a person doesn’t place trust in Hashem, they’ll place it somewhere else — and that “somewhere else” becomes what they’re emotionally dependent on.

That’s the boundary line: where responsibility ends, Bitachon begins.

The “Hashem’s Got You” practice (30 seconds)

Today, when you feel that familiar “it’s all on me” spike…

Don’t argue with it.
Don’t wrestle your thoughts.
Don’t try to “calm down.”

Do this instead:

Stop.

Take one slow breath.

Say: “Hashem’s got me.”

Ask: “What’s the next right step I can take?”

Do that step. No extra suffering.

That’s it.

Not magic.
Training.

Less control. More calm.
Same responsibility. Different nervous system.

Letting go isn’t giving up. It’s giving it back to the One who actually runs the world.

Why control feels safe (and why it isn’t)

Control is a drug.

It gives a quick hit of relief:

“If I plan more, I’ll be okay.”
“If I think harder, I won’t fail.”
“If I stay alert, nothing will go wrong.”

But control has a hidden price:

It keeps you activated.

Because control doesn’t have a finish line.

There’s always:

another angle

another scenario

another “what if”

another potential mistake

So your mind becomes a full-time security guard.

And eventually your body says:
“I can’t do this anymore.”

That’s when you get:

burnout

irritability

exhaustion

procrastination (yes, procrastination is often overload)

emotional numbness

Procrastination is sometimes your soul refusing to carry what isn’t yours.

The truth that actually calms a person down

Bitachon isn’t a motivational quote.

Bitachon is a return to reality:

You are not the one running the world.

This isn’t theoretical.
It’s physical.

When you stop acting like the CEO of the universe, your nervous system softens.

Not because problems disappear.
But because you stop carrying them alone.

Peace isn’t having answers. Peace is knowing Who does.

The reframe that changes everything

Here’s the reframe I want you to take with you this week:

Responsibility without trust creates anxiety.
Responsibility with trust creates steadiness.

Same life.
Same to-do list.
Same responsibilities.

Different inner posture.

You can take life seriously without living in fear of it.

Why you need this daily (not once)

Here’s the part nobody wants to hear, but it’s the truth:

Anxiety doesn’t live in logic.
It lives in habit.

Most of us don’t need new information.
We need a new default.

Because your default might be:

grip

control

brace

carry

anticipate

manage the universe

And defaults don’t change because you read one email.
They change because you practice a new response until it becomes normal.

Trust isn’t a trait. It’s a muscle.

If you want support with this

That’s why I created Unshakable.

It’s a 7-day course you can come back to anytime.
Bite-sized lessons. Self-paced. Built for real life.

If this email helped you, Unshakable will feel like having a hand on your shoulder, guiding you and saying:
“You’re not alone in this. Hashem’s got you.”

You can pre-order Unshakable for $48.50 with coupon code: “PRESALE50” (launch price will be $97).
And when it launches, you’ll also get the downloadable Bitachon journal and a few additional bonuses I’m still putting together.

[Pre-Order Unshakable]

(If you’re not ready yet, no pressure. Keep practicing the 30-second drill above. And if you want daily support, Habitachon helps you build trust one day at a time.)

Two lines to leave you with

You were never meant to carry the whole world.
You were meant to carry your part — and be held for the rest.

If you know someone who’s living in “it’s all on me” mode right now… forward this to them.
Seriously.

Some people don’t need advice.
They need permission to put the weight down.

Hashem’s got you.

Even if you do nothing else today, try the “Hashem’s got me” pause once. That alone can change the tone of a whole day.

Hashem’s got you,
Amir